I'm haunted by: bridges I almost jumped off of
Streets named after pedophiles
Numbness where there should be feeling
Fire damaged flower boxes where nothing will ever grow again
The stubbornness that kept me alive once now just keeps me awake
But I dont mind because now I'm afraid to sleep.
I'm the most afraid of how boring it was to hurt me. All it did was teach me
To lie to myself
About what hurts. So the smoke of my own burning body doesnt scare me like it should.
The threat of a stranger's confusion
a childhood friend's dirty secret
a new lover's fragile ego
of an empty stomach, of an overloaded nervous system, of a closed throat or a spinning head or an obliterated ribcage
Mean nothing to me anymore.
And that scares the people who love me
They tell me it shoulder matter
And I feel their distress, but I sincerely wonder
Why I should start to care now.
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